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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28085982">Jeff Eats Pizza Weird</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryuzaki4/pseuds/ryuzaki4'>ryuzaki4</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Community (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 19:27:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,258</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28085982</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryuzaki4/pseuds/ryuzaki4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Abed spirals out of control when he senses something is amiss among his friends. It's up to Jeff, who broke Abed in the first place, to fix his friend, and learn something about himself along the way.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"And in excruciating detail, he monologued what I can only guess was his will to his children because the tone was surprisingly serious and a little too rehearsed," Jeff's focus was on Britta who mirrored him as the two sat down at their usual study group table. You know the one.</p>
<p>"You know, it doesn't surprise me that you wouldn't understand the importance of self-discipline when confronting estranged family members," Britta responded, hands in her bag as she reached for something. She pulled it out. It was her notebook and pencil. " 'Perfect Specimen to Daddy Issues Has Breakdown About Stranger Daddy.' The headlines practically write themselves."

"Maybe in a community college's psychology fanzine," Jeff snorted as he assumed a comfortable position in the uncomfortable library chairs.</p>
<p>"You say that like being published in one would be a bad thing," Annie joined in. She was there the whole time. So was Shirley. Neither of them said anything because it was impossible to get a word in when Jeff and Britta were doing their thing.</p>
<p>"Look, it isn't that being published in a community college fanzine is a bad thing," Jeff back-pedaled, "It's just that it's required qualifications are, for lack of a better word, terrible. I mean, Leonard had a three-page spread about the quality of food review videos, and most of the piece was biased praise to his own channel. I'm just asking for quality from everyone, is that too much to ask?"</p>
<p>"What are we talking about?" Pierce had entered, loudly. "It doesn't matter because I saw something hilarious on the way here, and I rushed right over to tell you all about it."</p>
<p>"Was it the fact that Starburns is wearing pink?" Jeff watched Pierce sit down.</p>
<p>"Yes!" Pierce began laughing. He couldn't help himself, but managed to continue speaking through his giggles, "Guess we have to change his name to - to Gayburns! Ahaha - !"</p>
<p>"Pierce, even if Starburns was gay, that's a terrible nickname," Annie shamed him.</p>
<p>"Well I'd like to hear you come up with a new name for the queer down the hall!" It wasn't funny anymore. It was never funny, but Pierce had finally stopped laughing.</p>
<p>"Gaystar," Britta said excitedly.</p>
<p>"Starqueer," Shirley tried.</p>
<p>"Alright, well, I'm no Richard Pryor, obviously," Pierce said bitterly. Everyone was confused by the levels to his statement.</p>
<p>"So, when are we going to start today?" Annie asked, eagerly reaching for her colored and coordinated notes, "I learned about a new studying technique and thought I'd practice it con, mis, amigos."</p>
<p>"Oh, Spanish! How nice," Shirley patted Annie's hand to commend her.</p>
<p>"I think Troy and Abed were picking up a pizza before we get started," Britta said, "Our last cram sesh went late and Troy got so hungry he fainted." Annie gasped.</p>
<p>"Did you really just say cram sesh?" Jeff was disgusted.</p>
<p>"What's going on?" Abed asked as he and Troy walked through the doorway. Abed was confused, frantically searching around for an explanation that he couldn't seem to understand.</p>
<p>"We were waiting for you two to get this cram sesh started!" Britta cried out, her arms up in faux excitement to annoy Jeff.</p>
<p>"That's not what I'm referring to," Abed said, rushing to set the pizza down on the study table, "Something is fundamentally different about this situation and I'm having trouble pin-pointing what that could possibly be. It's as if information is missing and is only presented when absolutely necessary."</p>
<p>"Oh, this thing again?" Troy sighed, confused and upset for his friend. His attention was on the pizza though.</p>
<p>"Abed, what's going on?" Annie asked.</p>
<p>"He thinks that we aren't in a tv show today. Can I open this?" Troy reached for the pizza and opened the box when it was in front of him, "Oh, my god, cartoons are real." He lifted a slice. The cheese stretched like the cartoons.</p>
<p>"What do you mean? Abed? Is everything okay?" Annie pressed on as Britta grabbed her own slice.</p>
<p>"Everything's fine, as far as I can tell," Abed said, sitting down at his seat, which he, for some reason, was surprised about being there as he reached for it, "Something's just..off. The usual ebb-and-flow of our conversations seems broken up. There's a lack of... life. Also, everyone is talking funny, as if being filtered through someone else's perception of who we are after observing us for a long time and forcing that dialogue upon us."</p>
<p>"Like your Greendale tv show about us?" Jeff asked as he pulled his own plate of pizza in front of him. He apparently had grabbed one while Abed was speaking.</p>
<p>"This time is different," Abed explained. Troy slid his friend a slice of pizza, "While my tv show is a hilarious fourth wall break, it's also derived from a primary source: me. This feels different. Like an outsider has entered our world. Or several outsiders, depending on the situation."</p>
<p>"Sounds freaky," Troy said, "Reminds me of the Matrix and that movie makes my brain hurt."</p>
<p>"It is a frightening situation to be in, especially as we all are aware of it on varying levels," Abed stared down at his pizza before looking up at his friends, "However, the fact that at least two of us are aware of the magnitude of the situation is a sign that things are leading towards the right direction, and that we'll find ourselves in a situation where we can fix all of this. In fact, I believe - "</p>
<p>As Abed was saying all of this, Jeff pulled the cheese off of his pizza and then ate it.</p>
<p>" - I believe that," Abed paused and turned his attention to Jeff. He was quiet as he stared. Because his focus had shifted, everyone else's did too, besides Pierce who was wiping off sauce from his shirt. He couldn't get it and just kept smudging the sauce. It was quite frankly upsetting to watch, and Shirley, who was actually watching Pierce, was glad to have a reason to look away.</p>
<p>"Jeff, why'd you do that?" Abed asked.</p>
<p>"Do what?" Jeff wiped sauce from the corner of his mouth with a napkin, oblivious to what was happening.</p>
<p>"Why do you eat pizza naked?" Troy asked. He was disturbed.</p>
<p>"What?" Jeff was genuinely confused now.</p>
<p>"You pulled the cheese off the pizza," Abed pointed, "...Why?"</p>
<p>"....I've always eaten pizza that way," Jeff was still confused.</p>
<p>"It was a weird way to eat pizza," Britta snorted a little bit. Annie stifled a giggle.</p>
<p>"But I've always eaten pizza this way," Jeff shrugged, "Ever since I was a kid and my dad would take me to generic pizza chain, he would eat the cheese first so, I.. eat the cheese first. Always have."</p>
<p>Abed's eyes opened wide.</p>
<p>"No, no, that's not - " Abed blinked as hard as he could, "Jeff, you wouldn't eat pizza cheese first. That's not - "</p>
<p>"It is weird," Troy agreed, "Not spooky like Abed's acting, but it is weird."</p>
<p>"It doesn't make sense," Abed began repeating the phrase like a mantra and stood in his seat.</p>
<p>"Abed, I just said it wasn't spooky. You're okay. Why are you freaking out?" Troy stood too, hands out in anticipation of something. He wasn't sure of what, but he was ready. To everyone's dismay, Abed broke. He cried out in a long high-pitched shriek before sprinting out of the study room. Troy immediately followed after him, calling for his friend.</p>
<p>"Abed, wait!" Troy called, "You have to wait! You're so much faster than me!"</p>
<p>Annie and Shirley were concerned and shocked. Shirley's hand was over her mouth. Britta's jaw dropped as she silently watched Abed and Troy sprint out of the room. Jeff watched what happened. He'd eaten pizza like this before. In fact, this is the way that he always ate pizza.</p>
<p>"Jeff!" Annie scolded," Aren't you going to do something? You broke Abed!" Jeff stared at his friends and Pierce. They were all judging, waiting. Somehow this was his fault.</p>
<p>"Yes," He pushed the crust on his plate away from him and then stood, "I will...fix this." And he left.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Abed rushed out of the library and into the school’s quad. He had run a long time, or a short amount of time, as he was able to hold his shriek as he bounded his way through the library and halls, and into the quad. He stood near the green as he let his shriek die out like his breath. As he inhaled, he calmed, realizing there was no need for another cry. With new eyes, he watched the rest of the school.</p>
<p>Greendale was going on with its day. Students meandered about, filing from one class to the other without so much as a regard to the intense chaos that swirled around them. It was as if they were puppets in a terrible play; No one could free them. They simply walked and discussed things in voices so quiet that Abed couldn’t even hear them. Everything and everyone seemed so far away. No one could see or understand the strands that pulled and tugged on them all. No one except for Abed.</p>
<p>Troy scrambled up behind Abed, panting heavily and groaning in pain with each breath. Without air he panted, “Abed! Abed, wait.”</p>
<p>Abed waited.</p>
<p>“I was worried you would keep running,” Troy explained, regaining his breath in a manner Abed considered to be suspiciously quick, “I had my fast shoes ready and everything.” He pulled his backpack over his shoulder and revealed a pair of brand new running shoes from inside them.</p>
<p>“I thought those were for emergencies only?” Abed pointed as Troy filed the shoes back and adjusted his bag.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Troy admitted, waiting for his friend with concern. After a moment, Abed spoke.</p>
<p>“I’ve come to realize that nothing matters,” Abed said flatly and with no regard for the immense worry it brought his friend, “Jeff talks about his dad with no meaning. You were able to keep up with my existential sprinting, and Greendale is acting…” Abed searched for his words, something he was sure he hadn’t needed to do in such a long time, “Normal. Seemingly just another day.”</p>
<p>“Actually it’s a Wednesday, which is strange. How are you in the middle of a week that’s uneven?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” Abed agreed, then paused to think. When he was finished, he said, “We’re all just puppets in a play, and like puppets, we all have a role.”</p>
<p>“Puppets? Can I be Daddy Snuffle this time,” Troy answered.</p>
<p>“You can be Daddy Snuffle. You’re kind, but you’re not that hairy so you’ll need a fluffy coat,” Abed said to his newly happy friend, his chest swelling with a newfound sense of identity, “If we choose the roles of our play, then I choose to be a hero, a knight of the shadows. Someone who can see what is unseen with special seeing-eye technology. A master of the dark, and protector of justice and also of those who cannot seek it for themselves due to the fear of breaking free of the chains of injustice that keep them blind.” As he spoke, Abed’s voice became deeper, and more intense. His chin pointed to the sky, the goal post for his ambitions.</p>
<p>Troy watched with a smile. He was so glad to have Abed behaving like his old self, but was worried for his friend. When Abed was only shrieking earlier, Troy knew it was time to put his worry pants on and worry. He made a mental checklist of the items he had hidden away in his “Abed Behavior Emergency Defense” kit, a toolbox he had created especially for Abed when he was having extra bad days. It was fortunate that he had his prep kit, equipped with bandaids, sanitizing wipes, a stuffie that Troy won for Abed and had yet to give him, as well as a shot by shot remake of the Godfather where all of the actors and set pieces were hand-carved miniatures (for meta-commentary.) There were even his favorite snacks and juices, all hidden within Troy’s backpack.</p>
<p>“I see the strings tethered to our fellow friends and classmates,” Abed turned his gaze to Troy, the light of the sun burning against his face and casting a dark shadow along one side of it. Abed could feel the heat of the sun, beating its expectations against him, and relished in the cold and dark side of his face where the light of day could not touch it. He continued, “And I will free them of their bonds to reveal The Truth.”</p>
<p>“And what truth is that?” Troy asked, his voice full of affection for his friend.</p>
<p>“The truth that nothing is revealed without a theme,” Abed’s voice was booming now, gravelly and deep like the feelings he had to keep buried away for everyone’s safety and well-being, “That Jeff would not have revealed such a tender fact about his past unless there was something larger at play, a master manipulating the strings. There is evil afoot, and it’s time we expose that evil. With Justice! I am the bringer of Justice, the Harmon of Productions, I am…… Batman.” And with a swish of the cape that would have been on his back, but wasn’t yet, Abed rushed off, eager to expose the dark secret that was controlling his friends.</p>
<p>Troy followed after him again, pulling out the stuffie he won for Abed, “He may need this sooner than I thought.”</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>Jeff sat on the hood of his car, fingers tickling away at his phone’s buttons, sending a long and emotional testimony to his father. The words sat in the body of an email with no subject or receiver. They were screams in a void that would never be answered. With a roll of his own eyes, Jeff locked and pocketed his phone as Britta approached with her hands frantically shoving her notebook into her bag.</p>
<p>“If you’re here to yell at me about Abed, can it, sister,” Jeff started, “I have nothing to apologize for.”</p>
<p>“You know that you set him off,” Britta retorted.</p>
<p>“All I did was eat pizza, Britta,” Jeff stopped leaning against the hood of his car to stand over his friend, “The guy could have just finished rewatching Lost for all we know.”</p>
<p>“Do you think it has anything to do with your father?” Britta asked, folding her arms across her chest.</p>
<p>“My fa - !?” Jeff tossed his head back and found his butt back on the hood of his car, “Pizza and dads don’t disrupt Abed. Like I said, he probably just rewatched Lost.”</p>
<p>“Maybe he’s absorbing your disdain and reflecting your projected mood, acting out your trauma surrounding your father,” Britta offered.</p>
<p>“I don’t care about my dad!” Jeff cried, bouncing off of his car and away from Britta, “And I never cared about him either! This has nothing to do with him!”</p>
<p>Jeff left Britta standing there, a stupid face on her face. He stomped away from her ridiculousness, the heat of the conversation burning off of his ears and leaking into his brains. Her incessant need to connect the situation to his father seemed to come from her desperate and shallow attempts at righteousness, and a misplaced contempt for her own father. Pacing to the library, Jeff scowled. He recalled Abed’s needle eyes as he ate his pizza, cheese first. How could he have deceived himself into thinking there was safety in doing something like that around Abed? Abed, who sees everything. Abed, who had Jeff’s patterns down to an exact, and frankly creepy, science. Abed, who was - </p>
<p>“Jeff!” Abed - Batman bounded towards his ally, with a lightness in his feet that kept him one step ahead of the danger, while his finger kept a pulse on the city, “I’m glad I’ve discovered you.”</p>
<p>“Abed, what are you doing?” Jeff asked, staring at his friend in his Batman costume.</p>
<p>“I see you’ve discovered the secret as well,” Abed-Batman grumbled. His eyes took a quick and descriptive look at what dangers potentially lurked behind his friend: Garrett sat in the right corner, peering curiously and frustratedly at a book of little suspicion; Starburns wore pink near the computer, no doubt stealing; Leonard stared back at Abed just because he was nosy.</p>
<p>“Abed, I’m not doing this,” Jeff was irritated now, “It’s Wednesday.” He made to move to the study room when Abed-Batman grasped his elbow with desperation and angst.</p>
<p>“Jeff,” Abed-Batman pulled his friend in close, close enough so that he could share secret information to his ally; It was information so vital to his friend’s journey, that no one prying ear could hear, “Danger lurks around every corner. I have to protect you from more exposure, more..pain. Don’t drop your guard. And most importantly, act natural.” He pulled away from his friend, releasing him into the danger and trusting that he was going to be safe, “I am Batman!” With a fantastic flourish of his cape, Abed-Batman leapt away as swiftly as he had come.</p>
<p>“What the hell just happened?” Jeff asked Leonard who shrugged.</p>
<p>“Looks to me like you broke Rain Man,” The old man said.</p>
<p>“Shut up, Leonard!” Jeff frowned, “I saw your food review channel. All of your subscribers are the businesses you’re pushing.” Batting away the remark, Leonard walked away.</p>
<p>Troy replaced Abed, and was dressed as a butler with a small, thin mustache drawn on his face and wrinkle lines traced on his forehead. In his white-gloved hands was a toy tray of tea kettle and cups, bright pink and splattered with liquid and sugar.</p>
<p>“Abed was here wasn’t he?” Troy asked. Jeff nodded with a look that demanded answers to questions he knew he had the privilege not to ask. With a sigh, Troy began: “Look I’m sorry about Abed. He thinks we’re not in a tv show anymore, but he doesn’t know what else we could be. When you ate your pizza all naked, and said that thing about how it’s actually a tender memory with your dad, he got scared you weren’t acting like yourself if you weren’t doing a bit. Like in our tv show? He thinks there’s no theme to our show anymore, and without a theme there’s no story. No story means no meaning to him, and now, well.. he’s Batman. Maybe forever. I tried to have a tea party with him to cheer him up, but if he keeps this up, I’m afraid I’ll have to scold him, and I hate doing that. He has these eyes he does. Very adorable, but hard to discipline.”</p>
<p>Jeff opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out.</p>
<p>“Anyway, sorry to bother you,” Troy sighed, giving Jeff a tap on his arm as his farewell. His attention returned to Abed-Batman who crashed through the front doors to the library after harassing Garrett on his suspiciously unsuspicious book. “Abed, you’ve got something on your cheek!” He produced a napkin and juice box out of his backpack as he followed his friend out.</p>
<p>Jeff stood in the hallway for a moment, temple throbbing. He didn’t care what the reason was. He was just glad he had something to focus on other than his idiot fathers. Friends! Damn it.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Shirley and Annie sat in the study room in silence. Every so often Annie would glance up at Shirley from reading over her calendar. Shirley would notice Annie from the corner of her eye, meet her gaze, and smile. They would both then return to their quiet reading.</p>
<p>“So,” Shirley hesitated, “Your age in relation to Jefrey is… interesting, isn’t it?” That might have been wrong to say because Annie scoffed, high-pitched and childish. </p>
<p>“That’s not exactly a friendly way to start a conversation, Shirley,” Annie looked sideways at her friend, “And hardly the topic either.”</p>
<p>“I just meant, he’s nearly your father’s age, I’m sure,” Shirley pressed.</p>
<p>“How young do you think I am?” Annie asked, capping her pen to focus on the conversation.</p>
<p>“Well - “</p>
<p>Jeff slammed through the doors to the study room, interrupting the conversation. Without addressing the two others at the table, he took his seat at it, nearly throwing himself into his chair with resignation and disgust. As if they were heavier, he heaved his ankles onto the table and rested his heels comfortably on each other. With a tired flick of his wrist, he whipped his phone out of his pocket and began typing away.</p>
<p>“Jeff? Are you okay?” Annie asked after a moment of silence, “You seem upset.”</p>
<p>With no glance to his friends, Jeff continued on typing. It was furious and without hesitation, and it caused Annie to give Shirley a look of worry. Shirley responded with her own look of pity but neither pushed their friend to respond.</p>
<p>Britta entered then, staring at Jeff with a smile as she took her seat. After a few moments of interested observation, she turned away from him and towards Annie and Shirley.</p>
<p>“What’s up?” She seemed pleased. Annie shrugged. Britta turned back to Jeff, “Still mad about your dad?”</p>
<p>Jeff looked up from his phone to deliver an eye roll at the suggestion, “Oh, give it up, Britta. If I wanted to schedule a session, I would have done that when you put your flyer up on the Library bulletin two months ago.”</p>
<p>Wounded, Britta’s jaw opened. None of the group had signed up for a session, in fact, and it was finally admitted from the expression of guilt on both Annie and Shirley’s face. They seemed to be searching for words as well, mouths open but absent of noise. The betrayal Britta portrayed was done by her desperately grabbing her things, inevitably knocking a few items loose, and then scrambling on the floor to recover a wad of napkin, a notebook, and several pens and pennies.</p>
<p>When she finished gathering her pride, she stood from her knees and said, “Just so you know, the flyer was for extra credit, so it doesn’t matter that none of you wanted to support me!”</p>
<p>“To be a community college therapist? For extra credit?” Jeff scoffed, “You can do better than that, Britta.”</p>
<p>With a puff, Britta stormed out, knocking into Pierce and spilling a small stack of notecards that he was carrying with him. With a swear he got on his knees and began picking up the cards. He would grab one, read it to himself, laugh or chuckle or wheeze, and then file it among the rest of the cards in his hand. The group watched Pierce in a type of sadness. Watching the old man do many things was always rife with sadness, but the secretive laughing that had ensnared him seemed to be particularly of worry.</p>
<p>“Guys, I - ,” Troy tried entering the room, stopped in his tracks at Pierce who was fixing the notes on one of his cards, “Were you waiting for me like that?” He was still dressed as a butler.</p>
<p>“Britta just left,” Jeff explained flatly.</p>
<p>“Only because you were mean to her,” Annie took her turn to roll her eyes.</p>
<p>“You were mean to Britta again?” Troy was hurt.</p>
<p>“She was prying her diagnosis-filled nose in my business where it doesn’t belong,” Jeff was speaking through his teeth now, “A place unfamiliar to all of your noses, and not because you find my cologne to be too over-bearing.” He accompanied the last word with air quotes and a sharp look at Shirley, specifically. </p>
<p>Everyone in the room began responding with protests of their own, explaining their stance on Jeff’s cologne: Annie felt it was perfectly fine, and actually wasn’t that bad because the musk reminded her of her father so it was quite comforting; Shirley protested at the accusation that she’d said Jeff’s cologne was over-bearing but agreed with her dislike of it because she was unfamiliar to “the sweet scent of sin”; Troy said he didn’t know what real men were supposed to smell like because many of the uncles and men who accompanied his life smelled of No-No Juice, body odor, or something like oil, but when he checked it definitely wasn’t oil.</p>
<p>Pierce, who was still on the floor, responded with: “Over-bearing, more like over-sharing...of male penis!” And then he laughed. Troy did too before clicking off. He didn’t get it.</p>
<p>“I don’t get it,” He confessed.</p>
<p>“Because he’s queer!” Pierce motioned at Jeff who raised an eyebrow. He had removed his feet from the table and was now lounging in the chair, trying to lean his body as far away from the table without it looking suspicious. When no one else in the group began joining in on the hilariousness of Pierce’s genius, he stopped laughing. Offended and hurt he cried out, “Oh come on! It took me all morning to write these out! I activated my carpal tunnel. I mean, I would if it was possible. Doctor said I had the strongest carpals out of - “</p>
<p>“Where’s Abed?” Jeff asked.</p>
<p>“Oh screw you!” Pierce began snatching the cards off of the floor, not even bothering to admire his handiwork.</p>
<p>“He’s busy with Starburns,” Troy explained, remembering the reason he rushed to the study room, “Dude said something ambiguously threatening and since he’s Batman right now, Abed couldn’t let that slide. Justice, you know.”</p>
<p>“Wait, what’s wrong with Abed?” Annie asked. Shirley was worried. She never stopped being worried, but now she was worried for Abed.</p>
<p>“He thinks he’s Batman,” Jeff said with a roll of his eyes again.</p>
<p>“He is Batman and that’s the problem,” Troy explained. With a type of weight, he set his backpack down on the study room table. His hands set on the table as well, holding up the exhaustion that was weighing on his body. His shoulders slacked and the mustache drawn on his face seemed to look gray in the light, “Abed thinks he’s for real Batman because nothing matters because Jeff talked about his dad. Now the separation between man and costume has disappeared and it’s impossible to distinguish the two. I’ve tried to repurpose the dreamatorium into a Bat-cave. I’ve given him tea and snacks, but… nothing has worked.”</p>
<p>“Alright that’s enough. You’ve got to quit coddling him,” Jeff, upset, stood, finally ready to utilize the intense anxious energy that had been building inside of him since the morning, “Abed is an adult. Maybe an underdeveloped one, but an adult, nonetheless. And I think it’s time that we respect our friend and begin treating him like an adult, which means not entertaining these delusions, no matter how fun they may be.” He looked Troy in his eyes, meeting a gaze full of its own worry. And sugar.</p>
<p>There was a type of resignation in Troy’s face. In silence, he processed the words, clearly weighing many decisions. Annie and Shirley watched in silence. They were missing something.</p>
<p>Troy pet his backpack with a type of comfort. After a moment he slung it over his shoulder with a sigh. He approached Jeff, slowly and with caution. When his tall friend lowered his guard, Troy set his hand on his friend’s shoulder and said, “You start pretending to have fun, you might even have a little by accident.”</p>
<p>“Did you just quote The Dark Knight at me?” Jeff narrowed his eyes and waited for an answer. It was given to him in a sympathetic smile and silence as Troy left the study room. After a pause, Jeff said, “I know I said this before, but what the hell just happened?”</p>
<p>“Jeffrey, did you assume a villainous role without intending to again?” Shirley asked, “Because you know that even if you did lose a positive male role model in your father, you can always find one with our Holiest of Fathers, Jesus Christ.” She smiled, her intention well but completely misguided and tone-deaf.</p>
<p>“Shirley I have tried finding Christ,” Jeff admitted, his patience on its last nerve, “But, just like my own father, he is evasive, and my relationship with him is easier to comprehend if I accept the idea that he is merely a figment of my imagination and a misplaced wish.”</p>
<p>Flustered Shirley pushed harder, “Maybe it’s the places you’re looking at that are the problem.” </p>
<p>Pierce had finished gathering the cards on the floor and stood. He had damaged his knees, but it was totally worth it because the joke he had just discovered was going to obliterate Jeff and that cavalier attitude of his. He didn’t notice Abed was behind him. </p>
<p>Of course he didn’t notice. None of the group had noticed Abed-Batman enter. How could you see a shadow enter anyway? Unless you were a knight of the light, the bright light of the rising sun. Abed-Batman was swift, and quiet, like the shadows of the night. He had trained himself among the Sleeping Garrett pass, and was raised on the alley behind the school’s long closed nursery, places oozing with darkness and the dangers of the city.</p>
<p>“Yeah!” Annie agreed, jumping on the chance to help Jeff, “Maybe he’s returned to a spot from your childhood! Dogs do it all the time and have been known to travel hundreds of miles in search of their original families.” The factoid was pleasing to Annie and Shirley, but Jeff could have done without.</p>
<p>“Oh, that’s a genius idea Annie,” Jeff teased, “Why didn’t I ever think to look at places I knew my dad liked?”</p>
<p>“Did you check your mom’s pants?”</p>
<p>Everyone in the room turned to see a looming shadow behind Pierce. It was Abed. He had read the line from the ‘joke’ cards that Pierce was so preoccupied with, the card that the old man had intended to read himself to finally claim righteous laughter from his friends. Instead, it was A-bed who would claim his glory. A-bed was going to be the one to gain acclimation and a new seat at the table.</p>
<p>“Oh screw you Abed!” Jeff cried, almost simultaneously to Pierce’s own protests against Abed. Together, they stomped out of the room, leaving Annie and Shirley alone with Abed.</p>
<p>Abed-Batman was clueless to the damage that he had caused, but could feel the weight that was added to his shoulders. He knew that he could handle it. There was nothing that the great hero of this city couldn’t handle.</p>
<p>Something stirred within Abed. Did he miss the point?</p>
<p>Abed-Batman turned to the civilians seated at their table, a table precious to the hero and worth protecting with his life, and addressed them with a simple, “Ladies.”</p>
<p>“Abed,” Annie and Shirley responded with their own nods, hesitant, confused, and, of course, worried.</p>
<p>“The night is darkest before the dawn,” Abed-Batman explained, “Trust in the light to show the shadow to expose the dark so it can be fought. And defeated.” With a flourish of his cape, and a smoke bomb he definitely didn’t confiscate from Starburns, Abed-Batman disappeared.</p>
<p>When the smoke had settled, Annie and Shirley sat alone, again, in the study room, fanning the air around their face as the smoke smelled too much like mustard. With a few coughs, the energy neutralised in the room, returning the two to each other.</p>
<p>After a moment, Shirley confessed, “I’m tired of these shenanigans not involving us.”</p>
<p>“I think we’re pretty involved,” Annie shrugged. Shirley looked at her before standing and gathering her purse. “Where are you going?” Annie asked.</p>
<p>“I’m going home,” Shirley said nicely, “Good bye.” She smiled, cheerful and forced, before leaving Annie alone with her calendar in the study room.</p>
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